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Hit In Waves

This thing called anxiety keeps me up at night and causes me to wonder what’s wrong with my life. Why am I not good enough? It seems like no one cares…or they just don’t understand it and I’m greeted with blank stares.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed I can’t even function…consumed in my thoughts and I start to drown.

Hitting me like a maverick and pushing me down.

Further and further until I can barely see the surface. People keep trying to tell me this is all for a purpose.

It’s a dark place down here, I can tell you that. Feeling all alone with no one there to throw me a life raft.

I try to come up for air and catch my breath, but after a short while I’m knocked back down with only a little oxygen left.

Another wave comes crashing in and the sunshine from above is nowhere to be found. At this point I’m not sure what to do… people tell me to distract myself, but they don’t have a clue to what I’ve been going through.

Distractions are just a small break from the pain I have to face. It’s been daily pain that doesn’t come along with a cost or a brace.

Honestly, I just wish more people cared enough to ask if’ I’m okay. I like to check up on my friends at least once a day, because I hope that none of them ever end up in this horrible place.

It’s not much to ask for, but apparently everyone has better things to do. Many people are moving on, living their lives with out me. It really hurts because I still care, but I think it’s best for me to move on too because sulking in this hurt is not a healthy thing to do.

Everyone has demons and battles they try to erase. I understand that sometimes it’s just easier to put a fake smile on your face. Trust me. I’ve done it too. But it’s very unhealthy to bottle the emotions you feel in order to deflect the things you’re going through.

So, I wake up each day and try to face these waves…hoping that today will be better than what I faced yesterday.

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