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Depression that never goes away

I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life. I have been dealing with it since I

was a young teenager. Yes, I did play sports growing up which made it harder to cope

with the symptoms. I would put a lot of pressure on myself during those times. I used

to sit and think about what life would be like without depression? I used to dream about

having a happy life without depression. Thinking that life would be so much easier and

having everything go to plan. When I was young I dreamed about just playing sports

and I would hope that would make me happy.

As I got a little older, working for a living and having my own place, I turned to alcohol

during my depressive stages. Which then leads to drinking everyday. It got to a point

that I would rather not show up to work. Instead, I would stay home and drink all day.

Then one day I got a phone call from my parents. They were wondering where I had

been and why I wasn't showing up to work. My parents ended up showing up at my

house and had a lot of questions. I was in my early 20's and that is when I finally

decided that it was time to get help. It is when I have figured out that it was depression

that has taken over my life.

I started getting help. Spent a lot of years searching for a therapist. I had some really

bad ones. Believe me, you will know if they are not a good fit right away. In my mid

20's, I decided to go to a treatment center for depression. At that time, I lied about my

problem abusing alcohol. I got put on some medications and they seem to help me for

a little bit. But the problem was, I was still abusing alcohol. Which led me right back to

my problems again. I ended up back in treatment again but this time I was honest

about my drinking. I have been in and out of a few programs over the past few years.

Once i got into my 30's, I found a good therapist at Fox Clinical Services. She has

helped me through some very hard and very dark times in my life. She has helped me

stay sober for almost 3 years. She has also became a person that I can not lie to in

sessions. The darkest time she has helped me was when my father passed away from

cancer. I was in such a bad place that my therapist would just sit there and let me vent

and there were days that I was quiet and wouldn't talk much. My therapist was the first

person I ever told that I was having suicidal thoughts.

It took many years to find the right therapist, but once I did, it has saved my life. I know

for a fact that if it wasn't for her, I would not be alive to tell my story. I am now 33 years

old, I have a job, I am sober, and I am trying to live my life to the best I can right now.

Yes, i have learned that depression will never go away for the rest of my life and that I

will have to deal with my emotions. But I have learned coping skills over the years and I

keep going and showing up to therapy every week. Fox Clinical Services has changed my life. I am still alive and making progress every week. I don't feel like it sometimes

but my therapist sees the progress and tells me it every time I get down on myself. I still

have dark days and negative thoughts from time to time but going to therapy and

sharing them has helped me.

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